I feel so alone in this struggle with my daughter. Extreme shyness and low self-esteem, high intelligence, poor social skills, notable differences . I have life-long friendships that came from the virtual world where most of my real-life friendships seem to ebb and tide. Continue to be encouraging. He is now at a local Jr. College, things are still the same. I wish that he could find even just one good friend. So sorry so many are struggling, but crying with relief to know we are not alone. I couldve written this post. Other families we know have their children in amazing private schools or public alternative schools. Please email me at baileysmommy@aol.com. Instead, make this about taking a risk, participating in high school life or getting a little uncomfortable. I cant begin to explain the devastation I feel for him. And whats really frustrating is the fact that these kids never admit to anything even when theyre caught red handed. It hasnt happened. The Filter Free Parents Editorial Team thanks you for visiting our site, reading and sharing the content. My storymy son. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); The author of this piece has chosen to remain anonymous. Then this year he switched teams. This town is all about soccer, baseball, and basketball. One day they won't. You will just become another person in their life. If this were my son I would absolutely switch schools. I wish there was a way to link him up with others with similar interests. Our kids sound identical.? We share a somewhat similar story. I know how you feel! Someone mentioned above about a school switch, is that an option? I didnt and still dont understand why hes always excluded. And it hurt his feelings even more because nobody stood up for him. This has always been my sons story. Last year he had an entire class room of friends. Covid is not helping. I have a freshman college daughter, that still has no friends. Dear Mothers; your son doesnt process like you do. It also breaks my heart to see her so lonely. He talks and sits with these kids every single day at school, but yet hes excluded at every turn outside of school. Just need to become a regular (3-4 times/week same times and days every week; other regulars will soon recognize and accept). Just stopping to get gas can land me in a 20-minute conversation and earn me three new Facebook friends. I have a 13-year-old son who is extremely intelligent and mature for his age. Examples of some pressure-free activities might be: That way your teen doesnt feel the need to engage in constant conversation. On the other hand, those who do not have friends might have low self-esteem. Any plans were because I set it up for him. My heart breaks for you and your family. I cry often for him. He was bullied for years and eventually, starting in ninth grade, he was homeschooled. Trying to find him a friend is good, but dont make him feel like something is wrong with him. Never ending cycle. It hurts my heart so badly to see my boy who was always so happy to go to school saying school is dumb. I am desperate to find her just that 1 friend but havent had any luck. Some teens need extra practice or instruction in the nuances of friendship, even as they demonstrate advanced skills in other areas. It wasnt a fun journey; however, I believe my loneliness will help others like your son find a community who understand him & wants the best for him. We just have to make it through HS first. I had to smile through the celebration and hide my absolute devastation. All of us do with all the new changes in this world this would be one of the best. He says he is not lonely but deep down i know he is. Help build their self-esteem with positive encouragement. But my lack of sense of belonging doesnt only come from being an old soul. You both got this! His peers talk about girls, video games and basketball, while he talks about WWII, politics and the negative effects of social media on teens. I have a son that is 12. Ppl will pretend to like her to get money from her or help w homework, then dump her w out explanation. We live in Massachusetts. He has always lacked appropriate social skills and therefore . They wont like me so why bother? I sit beside him as often as I can and just let him chat with me about his games. The soft hearted and the quirky kids are his people and he feels like he belongs and I am sure your son will find his tribe too. I say all of this because I was so hungry to feel a sense of belonging that I have done the internal work to get to the point I am feeling loved by myself, my spouse & feeling connected to others. I had 2 of my 8 children that struggled the same issues (boy and girl). Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. He's a nice kid, a good kid. Also, be a good role model so they can see what positive friendship looks like. Also, provide an example of yourself being uneasy in a social situation as an adult or when you were a teen to show that you understand. Ugh this turned into a depressing therapy session! I get so angry because he is such a good kid. He may find other teenagers that share his love of reading, or it could be a chance to explore a new interest with others. That experienced fucked up my whole sense of belonging & made me reject myself before anyone else could reject me. They have play station and play fortnite, Minecraft, horizon, destiny, the lot. So, the kid who got along great with adults, made his way into college. but please feel free to contact me on social media. High school, unfortunately, was even worse. I have a 12 year old boy looking for a friend. Send me an email and we You just described my middle son. I cry because he has so much to give, but no one seems to want it. Its a big wide world and friends can be made from anywhere!! Find out what interests them. Your son sounds like a wonderful kid. Those qualities are not appreciated by most people anyway. I feel seen! I worry and try not to compare him to others, but its hard. He loves laughing and loves playing video games but no one wants to join him. Its taken forever because hes not a sports fanatic, we tried hockey, soccer, badminton but we finally found his space, a sport he does well at Shot Put! Much love to you and your son and all the other commenters who are in similar situations with their sons and daughters. Check online reviews first, and pick a local one described as friendly If for a kid (12+ years), see if they have dedicated teen hours (usually kids under 16 can only go with an adult). The quiz is designed to help young people to identify what they are finding hard about adjusting to life after lockdown and provides some ideas and coping strategies based on what your teen selects. My child had a similar situation. I love being around people, which I think makes it hurt worse when I see him all alone. I can absolutely relate. He had an outlet to share things and topics that were important to him, and he definitely didnt feel lonely. Dr. Tori Cordiano is a clinical psychologist in Shaker Heights, Ohio, and Research Director of Laurel Schools Center for Research on Girls. My cell is 5034226447. The program will take place at our teen counseling clinic in Phoenix, Arizona. I took her out of school and had her home schooled. ?? Theres only one concern right now: my son has no friends. If you find that your teen is still struggling socially or is refusing to make friends, consider seeking the help of a professional who specializes in helping teens with social skills. Sadly that's resulting in a lot of isolation and an inability for these children to develop proper social skills. I KNEW THAT THEY WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER KIDS AND I WANTED THAT. The website is called friendometry.com You are sure to find an activity that interests your teen. with adults. Hes a substitute teacher and is comfortable (and safe) with kids, but hes SO intelligent and different and fascinatingone of my favorite people simply because hes authentic. My 11 year old is the same. Friendships allow teens to develop emotional skills as they move on to adulthood. Love to you both. It got progressively better in college and now with many children of my own and a solid marriage, I can see why things were the way they were and alternatives so that my unique and lovely children can shine and make friends. They may share too much personal information too soon, and they may become jealous. I wish we didnt have to even go. I see her becoming cold and numb to the feeling of not having a friend. He's also painfully lonely. If your son is not showing signs of depression or anxiety and seems very content, it is possible that he is schizoid and not avoidant. Is it possible your son may be on the autism spectrum? No one messes with him bc his brothers a powerlifter and I put up with zero nonsense! Shes such a great kid, i just want the best for her. They are missing out! Shes lonely and Im her best friend, and I know she needs just one person to share herself with. This sounds just like my son. I know how hard it is to see, and how much the hurt also devastates us as parents. Honestly, I have come to kind of hate that term. I'm happy he's home too. I hope things are better for you and your son and thank you for making me feel less alone. My Daughter Has No Friends at School. heartbreaking and has me worrying all the time. My daughter was the same. Please copy/paste the following text to properly cite this HowStuffWorks.com article: HowStuffWorks.com Contributors [CPMV_CALENDAR view=1], Doorways is a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner owned, independently operated counseling clinic for teens and young adults, Copyright 2022 | All Rights Reserved | EmbarkBH.com, 15 Safe and Fun Friday Night Plans for Teens, Everything You Need to Know to Help Your Teen Manage OCD, Substance Use Disorder IOP For Teens in Phoenix, Free Parent Workshop! He used to try and text people. they would like to be his friend on whatever platform you are comfortable with. It take a village those mom should know better and teach there kids to reach out to the lonely kids!! God bless your family! Help keep things going. I understand. I am 24 & I didnt find a sense of belonging till I was 21 by taking care of my nephew. Sometimes I feel like shes too smart for her own good. Breaks my heart to read so many comments with similar experiences yet our children are so alone. Its a great place to make friends, be silly, and know you are loved by cool, caring adult leaders. I have friends in a local group here and they are some of the most welcoming and interesting people! The older one would said unusual things and no one wanted to be her friend. My boy is 20 and in college now. OmgI sooo felt this. Give him a gym membership for birthday (or just encourage him to join a local gym). Be happy your kid wants to hang with you. Just a suggestion. Whenever we go somewhere, he prefers talking with the adults. If your teen is reluctant to try an extracurricular activity, maybe they just need a little push by you to help get them involved. The difference between calpol and nurofen. Im sorry, all I really wanted to say was thank you. You guys are in my thoughts, just hang in there. For all the heart ache, Im glad he has a mother like you that has not given up. No friends or anyone to talk to.. He watched football and wants to practice so he can play at recess. I was a stubborn kid, I have been my whole life. We desperately need help. Please connect with me too!! Part of the problem teens face is that they are being told from so many people to be a certain way. He is not socially awkward. Teenage Social Life: Whats a Parents Role? My youngest daughter is 17 and is also an old soul who has struggled to keep girl friendsthey arent into the same things at all. I wish we could all get together with our kids. He doesnt want to go to games anymore, and to be honest, I cant blame him. It is hard to watch them struggle and feel powerless to do anything. My son is 11 and he struggles all to well with no friends hes been bullied and made fun of, he knows hes different he stays in the house and plays video games by himself if you would like to reach out let me know send me an address my son would love to send a card so would I. I am my sons only friend, and my mama heart is breaking. Please consider sharing your info to contact your son. Fitness classes in the gym are very social too Working out doesnt take talent or skills, and everyone is crap at it in the beginning (it just takes dedication and some online research). Im a father and I feel for your family. Oh, dear, your story breaks my heart for you both. But, my son has no friends and it's breaking my heart. Smart, sarcastic, and realistic to a fault. Maybe they could be pen pals. I relate to 100% of what the mother is saying and it at times breaks my heart but over time (he is 13) I have come to admire this remarkable person. Hes different and thats ok. We have accepted that as parents (me more than dad) but its sad and hard to watch from the sidelines. You could do some role-play scenarios with your teen to show what actions are socially acceptable. How old is your son? Im a teacher and agree that a new setting might help this if hes brave enough. (found out by accident) Then joined a Track Team, hes still alone cause there are no others his agebut hes excelling and loving that hes seeing progress & change! I cant wait to see where she goes in life. Being the parent of a strong willed child myself, it really does sound like your teen more sad about it than anything else, as she should be. Ask follow-up questions to make sure you understand. As I read this, I pictured myself at that age as you were describing me perfectly, lol. Ppl ask her to do things , then back out last min. He is cut off now more than ever because he is not into the girls, music thing and isn't adept at banter. Im here, lets connect my son is 12 but is an old soul. My 12-year-old, going on 13, doesn't seem to have any close friends. My son has blossomed and flourished and is now the leader of his tribe. This may also help your son connect with like-minded peers. She found some groups on line, which is great but, where are all the groups in the city? I also have a 12 year old introvert that has a hard time making friends. There are so many different options to help your teen explore and meet new people. Hi. It doesnt help theres been a lot going on around the poor little guy the past few years. He has a dry sense of humor and a museum of antiques set up in his room. It may be good to talk to other moms and ask for their kids to support him since he is feeling lonely also talk to his teachers and the administration. He is a social person and enjoys hobbies, but as he's gotten older, many of the things he enjoys doing, things like lifting weights, researching different exercises, and skateboarding, seem to be solitary activities. But I still get horribly alone. In this type of case, examine what's been going in your teen's world. Science or building? Hes diagnosed with HFA (High functioning Autism) and ADHD so hes one of two extremes. Not all teachers are worthy of your childs time. Gym can be intimidating, but its one of the friendlier and most forgiving environments you can imagine (regular visitor > smiles/nods > conversation > friendship). If anyone has a lonely girl around her age, please reach out. The world needs kids like this. A popular one is Young Life. Check with your local parks and recreation office, local library, local museums, and even local colleges and universities to find out their offerings. Every word you wrote is applicable to me except I am too scared to send him in his age group.. though I would not stop in hope of miraclememories of bullying and misquoting still lingers! Its breaking my mama heart. YoungLife.org Also, for middle schoolers, sometimes there is WyldLife also. It felt like someone hijacked our lives and was writing about it. ? She is utterly devastated. Other kids dont always mature. I did have more of a social life once I met my boyfriend (now ex and father to dd) but I was happy to keep myself to myself and even though now I get out and enjoy myself I much prefer a night in on the sofa and I'm really close to my mum still which I like. My oldest is very much like this and hes only just turning 6! Do not talk to your teen about having no friends. 1. . First, encourage your teen to get involved in activities he/she does like. She has then switched school 3 times and finally has settled into school in the same area I work at. She started having seizures and it got worse. This has been an ongoing issue for years. To me you were you and i was me. But whenever the other one gets sick or not at school, he is alone again, like today. Unfortunately high school wasnt any easier. We are going to check this out! Speak to him alone in a private place. It took my son two more years to find another super good friend. Yes, my extroverted kid is turning more and more inward and this shelter-in-place situation is not helping. To me their werent cool that the could kids tht the brave kids or the Gothic kids. Helpfully, studies also show that it's not necessary for teenagers to be "popular" or have a large group of friends to reap these benefits. Encourage them to participate in an extracurricular activity, volunteer work or part-time job. A charter school of some sort? (Twenty20 @Hayley_Alexander) My son enjoys spending time alone So your 15-year-old son has no friends. My heart goes out to you. I was your son, as it were. There are several social skills everyone needs to succeed in life, to manage school, friends, projects and eventually the workplace. I have a boy that is 10 a lot like this and somewhat my youngest daughter who is 9. Communicate that you understand how . He is my eldest, and watching him graduate from high school, alone this year was heartbreaking. My Teenaged Son Has No Friends written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker October 11, 2022 From the U.S.: My 16-year-old son has always had friend issues, he struggled with being bullied in junior high and has always spent a great deal of time alone. He has online buddies that he games with, we even took a road trip across the country to meet up with a few of them but they arent the same as real life friends. Im right there with you, but my girl is about to turn 16 and she has all but given up on making friends. "I don't have any friend" or "no one invites me" can be the complaints your child can make. He will find his place. He sits with the other lonely kid, the one with no one else around, but theyre both so shy or awkward that the conversation fizzles and they sit in awkward silence. And I cry and pray for her. Trust me, joining a gym will change any shy persons life for the better. Sending love and hope your way!! Just after 6 months, one of them moved. They help teens develop into adulthood by learning invaluable emotional and social skills. Im an extrovert and have never had trouble making friends. Not as eager to talk to everyone like his younger sister. So there were lots of issues And not being in one place and having to go to a private school not close to either really, made it hard for him to find friends. My poor baby feels so alone and I dont know how to make him feel better. You would think with so many kids with this there would be something! Hes so smart and the rings he finds fascinating other boys his age think they are dumb. You need to jolt them out of that. I truly hope for brighter days for you both. I see his friends from elementary school wave & say bye to him as we leave places but he gets so anxious that he walks by super fast & mumbles bye, which they def dont hear or see. She has 2 friends from the last town we lived in. I think a lot of teen self-worth comes from the validation that they receive from friends. Its a cool creative space that is just for kids. This kid is three times his size and two years older. My son Is 8 and he talks to everyone he doesnt care what anyone says. If at all possible, when someone has a child who sits in the world like this, dont make them attend the school that hurts them. They turn them into a balanced individual with a peer support network they can look up to when they need one. I didnt do it because I felt sorry for them. Everyone in school loves him.. the same with my daughters.. Wed love to write if thats an option you go with. Help your teen think about what interests them and what they are good at. Hes likeable, relatable, and has no trouble navigating through social waters. I often befriended people who were different than me back then because I found it fascinating. The academics arent always a good trade off (and sometimes theyre a waste of time). We are now in ABQ, NM. Have you discussed with your teen what is making them apprehensive? Even through other people who hung in my group didnt like the idea of me talking to them. I found peace and rest. So I made sure he had time doing a ton of cool and fun things the kids his own age werent even getting to do but in the company of people older than him. Much love to you momma, find me on Facebook if you ever need to vent. I too, feel this deeply. I guess the rules only apply to my son. His teachers say everyone loves him, etc., but not one invite over the last three years. For these families, its important to remember that development is often uneven across domainschildren may master academic skills with ease but struggle with the reciprocity of friendships or the routines of self-care. There. My mama heart breaks. I highly recommend the book Quiet to help extroverts understand the introverts in their life. I need help others see awkward and shy is the new cool. I have a very good friend that would probably make a great digital pen-pal for your son. 15 year old son has no friends could he be Autistic or just a loner? Adults try to talk to him, but rarely know what hes talking about. One of my boys is in a similar situation. I know we arent supposed to be our kids friend, but I will be her best friend as long as she needs me to be. He is now 18 and has found his niche he works in a nursing home and absolutely loves it. 30/09/2017 05:11 My 14 year old son has no friends. He gets excited if somehow someone joins him randomly and gets his headset on but they never stay long. He is the oldest and very artistic and full of knowledge about a multitude of subjects. I could have written this when my son was in middle school. He needs to be taught how to make friends. This was all before cell phones and online gaming. Hes an old soul, very sarcastic and does better with adults than kids his own age. I have an 11yo daughter and very similar issues. According to Healthy Children, the first thing to do is simply talk to your teen. Remind them that they cannot compel others to become their friends. Im an extrovert as well , and shes an only child. Teens who struggle with making friends tend to latch onto the first person who shows them meaningful attention. High-functioning Asperger's. He has no friends outside school but is a lovely boy (young man). These are incredible options with scholarships available. I told the teacher I was sorry he was being less attentive and being more goofy, however I let her know that Im not gonna ask him to change that, Id rather him be happy with friends and be sociable than a scholar in class, to my surprise the teacher said good for you dad, you made my day. He doesnt have a tribe I can chauffeur around, a team to meet up with, a friend to have inside jokes with. Tweens and teens 10 year old son watching porn Tweens and teens Will I lose my Working Tax Credits when my 16 year old child starts an apprentic Tweens and teens 16 year old daughter pregnant Tweens and teens Consequences of a 16 year old not attending college or apprenticeship? Specialty camps are a place that many kids thrive in (not YMCA camps or other daycare options). Sounds like he might be good on a debate team, pretty cool if you ask me. Im not as social and I never really had any real friends so I know it can be taxing on oneself. My second son, my middle child, is so very special. I dnt know if it will ever change , and I hate for her. Thank you for sharing your story. Thankfully, he does have two sisters. They exist. The Substance Abuse IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) at Doorways is a group therapy program for teens ages 13-17 who are struggling with drug or alcohol abuse. Always the akward on that no one really wanted around. It was bumpy at first, but he found his group in the fraternity he pledged, and began making good, life-long friends. So he became the brunt of all the jokes. My son was in band and then marching band in HS. Please give us an address so we can send him cards. I try to give her tips but nothing ever seems to work. & others like him because generation-z is the loneliness generation that is alive! Supporting efforts to develop friendships is a worthy pursuit for several reasons: Helpfully, studies also show that its not necessary for teenagers to be popular or have a large group of friends to reap these benefits. Friendships are an important part of the teen years. Week after week - when not in school - there he is in his room by himself again. He was diagnosed as borderline ADD 8 years ago and the school has made some accommodations for him. Quiet, confused, hesitant, and unsure but then there is also the loud, bossy, all over the place, excited to even be talking to someone else! Put him in a history club. I remember going to work crying on multiple occasions because I witnessed him standing against a wall, eating a breakfast bar, alone, while the kids around him interacted with each other. I think this is a baptism of fire for us as much as our children I can honestly say nothing has taken me to such highs and lows as the hopes and expectations I have had in my son and watching/realising how cruel the world can be (adults can be just as cruel I have found) if you are even slightly different. The friends will come naturally. My son went through the same thing. If they want to be weird, let them!! 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