But ways we can all really build ourselves and others up with, whether they see immediate fruits or not, it is building society up with one act, one prayer, one good thought at a time. At a year he could say and identify his letters and numbers. I also am a stay at home of 4 kids. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we had to pull him from his tiny Catholic school in 7th grade to attend another. Other kids didnt want to play with him because they knew his disappointment during a game (especially a sport) would cause the game to be held up with the need for teacher intervention as he blew up over what he perceived as the slightest injustice. He had a lot of friends growing up. The things you named are some of the ways that parents can tell their child is running into trouble with friends. Even if he doesnt mind, I HATE it for him. In my experience, I find that most teens realize that a mix of both male and female friends works best and they tend to move within mixed groups of boys and girls. Ive tried to encourage him to play with the less popular boys buthe seems to have fewer interests in common with them, and as theirfriendship groups have been long established some of them arestandoffish. Go over situations at school be describing the other kids behavior, then describe how he can stop, deal with feelings, make himself feel a little better, and problem solve in ways that he can control without trying to manipulate or control others. Some of the most genius grown ups that are super successful were reclusive children. Your first task as a parent is to do some fact-finding. Home OTHER ADVICE My 10-year-old son has no friends. good luck and hang in there. (What about getting a part-time job as a duty aide on the school's playground at lunchtime? If you live near me we could set up a play date, he is very nice to everyone. they tell him that they have enough players, but they will add more children, when he leaves. 2022 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Since 1998, millions of parents and adults have trusted ADDitude's expert guidance and support for living better with ADHD and its related mental health conditions. I got him involved in every lol, All I can say is you have to let your son be himself (even if it means he doesn't like sports and is more of the intellectual type, like mine is). Teachers notice who gets along and can rearrange seating to his advantage. lol). It happens. He is above his grade level in most subjects. You know us non-ADHD parents can look at this from a different perspective than our ADHD kids. I have asked his teacher what can I do or say to my child to get him more active in play, and she can't think of anything. Public school was a very discouraging, lonely place for him. You are teaching him to be there for himself every time, to take responsiblity for his feelings, then for his thinking, then for his actions. Does he have to have a Birthday party? Also, remind him that no now often means yes later, that no often must means a delay in yes, and he can have the movie theater some other time, perhaps for his birthday or other special occasion. Now is a great age to do it. Keep up the good work! first temper, then tears.) Nor were we nurtured with real positive thinking (other than cliches that were often empty, not helpful) so I meditate A LOT on my values, with God, on life, with books, etc. I see this with my son, but you know, I find that most of the time hes doing better than I think he is. Things started OK. I would have him pick out a few kids he likes in class and invite them anyways, parents sometimes do the RSVPing and I don't know many kids that don't like parties. Disclaimer: Nothing in this or any other post is intended to substitute for medical, psychiatric or clinical diagnosis/treatment. He may lack social 27/06/2011 18:31. Sounds like you have identified at least one reason for your sons social challenge first temper, then tears when challenged. And Ill be goddamned if Im going to tell him to dumb it down for other people. Hugs. And dont despair, with the right parenting, which always does the best for the child (not always what feels best), youll come out of this victorious! It will take time, patience, and persistence, yet it will be so worth it. And I will never stop encouraging them to use their gifts for good. We ADDers are extremly smart and we get ahead in life a little bit easier(I love my ADD)Just let him be him. Its not your job to judge your child, nor is it your responsibility to make friends for them. My son is gifted. Your son also could benefit from some help in the form of social skills training. I love to be on the computer because it has the stimulation that I cannot produce on my own. We do still have times when he's not paying attention to his work so school can take longer than it should, but when there's an activity planned, you can bet he finds a way to get his work done on time. My heart goes out to you, as my daughter who is now 24 HAD ADHD, and was treated like an outcast when she was your sons age. (It's a neuroboligical disorder)I have researched ADD because I don't like the thought of me being different on meds. He will make friends in that program. It breaks a mommas heart for sure! Hes small in stature and not athletic, that didnt help things. They report being alone at recess or they have friends sometimes and not others. And to feel better than what may creep into his soul. We knew it from the time he was a baby. Also remember that we all go through hard times, no matter what, so just making the most of it and learning from it is a good way to go. My DD went through similar and it is just awful. WebSome children are natural social butterflies. Tags: 10 Hurdles to Learning, Dear ADDitude. ADD can be very rough and I have been through a lot of teasing even to this day. My 15 year old is popular in school and has lots of friends. He doesn't socilise with them outside school very often though. this worried me also until he admitted they all drink and experiment with drugs and he does not want to be part of that so if happy on his playstation at home.. My son misses a lot of the cues that hes being brushed off and the like, thankfully, but he gets a lot of it too. Make them RSVP. Describe and visualize. with ADD/ADHD when I was about 8. 12. Here are a couple acronyms that may help him remember what to do in the moment, when his heart is racing. etc. Let him work anger or disappointment out in safe ways for a little while (writing, drawing, punching a pillow, exercising, etc. Free Download: 14 Ways to Help Your Child With ADHD Make Friends, How Parents Can Help Children with ADHD Make Friends, Become Your Childs Friendship Coach: ADHD Parenting Advice, The Power of Role-Play for Building Social Skills, How to Sharpen Executive Functions: Activities to Hone Brain Skills. Its a continuation of what went on at home. Once he knocked a desk over, he often yelled at other kids, he was just falling apart. First your child should stand near two people he might be interested in meeting who are talking to each other. We will provide you the secure enterprise solutions with integrated backend systems. Thats not unusual for a three-year-old, but being able to talk about politics is. I found flag football for an hour on Saturdays. Your son may be uncomfortable in inviting friends over if there is a high level of conflict in your home. Your child may not want to join in with the group because he senses the high risk of rejection. Next, fill the empty space with complements about even the smallest things. then it got easier and easier. Or is she cleverer (or less bright)? They made fun of him for being smart, talking too much, and being the teachers go to for answers. You might ask him what his take is on this situation. We were new to this community last year. About half of kids with attention deficit disorder also have friendship problems. Hes often the last chosen for teams, even though hes quite sporty and academic. He works part-time, takes courses at our local community college, helps out around the house, etc. Once youve collected your data and you have a better grasp of the problem, you can talk to his teacher and/or the school counselor to get suggestions for resolving one area of difficulty at a time. He talked long before his first birthday. In full sentences. She is a social butterfly. What a difference! None. From the time he was in kindergarten, his teachers would always tell us that they thought he had ADD and needed to see a doctor for some medication. Get a free issue and free ADDitude eBook, plus save 42% off the cover price. He had a group he would hang out with this past school year - but they were gradually excluding him until a What I did was to enroll her in a Gymnastics team and girlscouts. Gym class was a nightmare. He is very sensitive and takes his friends silly remarks as serious.He likes to follow his own direction so it makes him difficult in team activities. I'm sorry to hear that about your son my sister was gifted and she had trouble making friends too. She is frequently disregarded on the playground. See what they are doing, or if their child has had trouble making friends in the past. As for his birthday, rather than a big party, maybe invite one or two closer friends (or wanna be closer friends) to do something extra special than a traditional party? Repeat this over and over and over for the smallest to the biggest problems. . He may like student council. Posted by 2 years ago. Hes 12. Then, make an excuse to hang around in a nearby room to make sure your child is following the rules you set up. Click here to send your question for response. I took her off of it when she was 11 BECAUSE I was told these drugs have nothing to do with behavioral issues! We took the child to a neurologist and had extensive scans and waves done. The world needs all types of people. I feel for your son. The rec centers have classes too that are fun. Much as I think its great to enlist help, we have to be very honest and open to our childrens weaknesses. The more time that I spend at her school the more parents I meet, then it makes finding a child with the same intersts as mine easier and we can set up play dates, with me there she seems to be more comfortable with the other child. The things you named are some of the ways that parents can tell their child is running into trouble with friends. His verbal score was 160, thats better than Mensa. They report being alone at recess or they have friends sometimes and not others. I hope things get better for your dd soon. He always seems to be the whipping boy. For instance when theyreplaying soccer, if some of them kick the ball over the fence, itsseen as funny but when hes done the same, its youve ruinedthe game.. Teach him to breathe and count to 5, slowly, when a situation arises. It definitely takes a big time commitment from me, but the benefits to our whole family have been so worth it. As mothers we only want our children to be happy. asks from Florence, AZ on December 06, 2007. A little bit different as my DS has been diagnosed with an ASD, but he rarely goes out with anyone, except for the rare trip into town after school with some mates. He will find his good friends when the time is right. Dear ADDitude: Will My Dyslexic Child Ever Read for Fun? You already got great replies, but I just wanted to say that it was the same for my brother when he was a kid. We also ran blood tests to rule out another organic or chemical inbalance. I really feel for you and him. There is no reason to change your son when he's wonderful the way he is. We worry so much about our children. Love your child for who he is, work with him to learn through behavior modification the social rules, work closely with the teachers, and seek the assistance of a qualified health care professional. Ask your son to choose one or two friends to do something really special. Or do they all have siblings but she doesn't? We knew it from the time he was a baby. He talked long before his first birthday. Maybe you could explain that it is not quantity but rather quality that counts in this world. Her teacher told my mother that she needed to buy my sister more in style and name brand clothes so she wouldn't look so weird, but my sister didn't want that it just wasn't her. If they do, they have invited him to join the conversation. If your child has no friends, this is an instance where you do want to mobilize and take an action. So if we are kind (even if our solutions dont work for others), we get a dose of kindness flowing through us every time! Hang in there. As you can tell you are not alone. :) She had to accept herself, before others could accept her. Have a question for The Friendship Doctor? Follow up with questions asking what's another way he could have done that? In full sentences. My son is very socially awkward and young for his age (he's 16). What happens here is that the childs ADHD behavior gets in the way. that may be a start. > How Parents Can Help Children with ADHD Make Friends, > Become Your Childs Friendship Coach: ADHD Parenting Advice, Posted by Penny I'm a 52 year old head who traveled back in the day. Due to the pandemic, I didnt think about him not being invited anywhere because no one is going anywhere. He excelled and was also tested as being a 'gifted' child. The more experience the better. He cant help that he is intelligent. My 8-year-old is happy and friendly, but he doesnt play with anyone at recess and doesnt like to work in groups. They probably find his outbursts entertaining. I'll share my story with you and hopefully it will help. We have our son in lots of sports the best seems to be pop warner football this helps him fit in with other boys and also gets out a lot of energy. My parents sat me down and explained (and kept reminding me when ever I felt down)that everyone is made differently and IT IS NOT a disability. I had someone come to my house to do physical and speech therapy for my daughter. It was cute to listen to him rattle off the Latin names of all the fish in the tank at the pet store. A social skills group could help with friendships: Friendship Groups for Children with ADHD. He will eventually find his people. Its hard for kids this young to understand everything, but I would look to see about a local art class on weekends where your son might share interests with other kids. I'm sure your son is a great kid and will soon find friends who apprectiate him. His ex has put him through hell and at this point he chooses not to see his daughter due to having to have communication with her mother. Instead of having a friend party - have a Family party. That was him. Ltd. and do that. I got him involved in every activity possible but is not really athletic. WebWhy Your 15-Year-Old Son Has No Friends In most cases, teens just havent found their group yet, their click. It breaks my heart. One of the hardest things for a parent to watch is their teenage child seemingly having no friends. Week after week when not in school there he is in his room by himself again. There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. I also created an Inner Toolbox of problem solving skills and give all this to my children to help them in their lives every day, with each other in the home, and outside the home. Lockdowns were heaven for him! I don't go on about friendships and he seems happy. Don't make a big deal out of it though as he will pick up on you thinking it is important. There will be kids just as quirky and they will like him for who he is. Parents can help kids learn these social skills that dont come naturally. Practical Strategies & Tools to Help Kids with Dysgraphia, When Careless Mistakes Arent: Dyscalculia & Math Anxiety, Build Back Your Childs Social Skills in 7 Steps. How hurt he must feel. I would suggest beginning to allow him to invite a friend or two at a time over for play dates. How lonely that must be. We have had teachers help with this during recess and also had guidance counselors plan lunch with my son and one other student he wanted to get to know. Get an ice cream together. The doctor used strong coffee in small amounts and it worked. All the time. Does your son participate in any activities outside of school? I am also going to look into some clubs for him. Combed his own hair nicely? Having friends come to your house to play on your childs turf one at a time can be really helpful. Explain group dynamics, and how to make a new acquaintance by joining in with others who are playing. As his older sister, it was heart breaking to watch, and my friends would let him play with us (I was 6 years older). I would have to agree with the mom's that responded already about getting him into something outside of school. If your DS is content, I'd just be happy with that. It appears JavaScript is disabled in your browser. 16 year old daughter pregnant Tweens and teens 15 year old son has no friends could he be Autistic or just a loner? :) I know it's hard. There are things you can do. Have you ever thought about homeschooling? He needs to be were he will fit. sorry if this is a bit long winded. Of course in an ideal world differences should make no difference and in many cases they don't but I know lots of cases of children being bullied/left out at school for being "boffins" etc, but who then go on to have no problems at grammar school/ university etc when they make friends with people who are perhaps a bit more like them. Some clubs will even have a higher percentage of quirky kids in them, giving him an even greater chance of relating. Their attention spans are so small that they would just tune him out and walk away. A friend of mine whose grandson had ADHD was used as a test subject without drugs. I remember this sort of thing from school well - especially the lonely feeling when I was the one left out. Not sure I have any answers for you -- to the contrary, I'm pretty sure I don't, as we have been stumped with pretty much the same issue/s as you. Hes often the last chosen for teams, even thoughhes quite sporty and academic. He has an opportunity in two years to attend a high school with an incredible STEM program. We started doing that a few years ago- we did all the big birthday parties - but my son didn't like the big parties and do to finances one year we had to cut the parties and just have a small family party. G. Hunjan. There are also tons of books and let him talk about his feelings because we learn by our feelings but it might be difficult at first for him to express how it makes him feel. I know that they are out there. They think hes weird. A lot of my sons problems were that he didnt have the skills to join a group, make new friends, interact during playpartly due to not paying attention to social cues that most kids get. His behaviors are a little odd. I found with my son that just one friend can make all the difference. Negativity breeds negativity, so if he takes negative behavior out of the equation, other children will not be drawn to it, or magnify it, because it wont be there. I just wanted to reply to let you know that it DID get better for him when he got older. He has friends at school but doesn't see them in holidays. I have been through the same problem, as have several of my friends and their kids. Say he didnt get to go to a movie he wanted to see at the theaterTeach him positive ways to cope. Its incredible. K., I say strike a balance, get the input and then train your son to deal with his feelings appropriately. All of this combined has made it almost impossible for him to make friends. As for the social issues at school, reach out to the guidance counselor and his teachers. I have taken in all the advice, and we are definatlly going to invite the "few" good friends that he does have. We went to a movie or whatever they chose. He needs to understand that losing at a sport or game doesnt make him a loser, but crying and acting in a manner beneath his peers will make him stand out and be a target. Hi, 16 Year Old Son Has Friends but No "Best" FriendAre My Worries Irrational? Insist on School Involvement. [Free Download: 14 Ways to Help Your Child With ADHD Make Friends]. We are in our second year of homeschooling him. There are many opportunities for socialization with other homeschoolers, and maybe he would make friends more easily in smaller groups. Let him know the good reason why you couldnt go. Practice it at home firstwhen he doesnt get something he wants at home and gets upset teach him first and foremost to be there for himself. )Let him talk about his feelings. Its not okay for him to be alone every day at recess (unless thats really what he wants). Keep doing this until you find someone or two that "click" for him. He just kept talking and people were enraptured. I took him for his intake with the counselor, and they said he is gifted and has ADHD. Reward him by together time, playing ball. I believe their are a lot of children just like your son looking for friends. I have a 19 year old with ADD and a 16 year old with ADHD. But fuck, cant somebody just give him a break? They often times play better with younger children, but at recess they are thrown together with their peers. As a veteran school teacher, Im thinking of a particular student I had who would react similarly. No one would know his past, his anger, his intelligence. K.N. We have just started attending a new church, and I hoping she can form some new friends there. Any advice you can give would be much appreciated. He has feelings and worth. I have a 9 year old that has no or very few friends. I have noticed that a lot of kids with ADHD seem to also lack some kind of social acumen- not totally picking up on social cues. etc etc Sometimes these things might make a difference to how easy she finds it to bond and might be worth bearing in mind when she goes to secondary school. You seem like the type of mom who already knows how to listen with open, non-defensive ears. I had a friend who spent a lot of time trying to get other parents on board with her difficult son. and do my best to arm myself and my family with really useful ways to cope. There are pros and cons to this, obviously, but the pros have far outweighed the cons for us. my sister used to be director of the one i queen creek and they have so much stuff for the kids to do and ist pretty inexpensive. It is finding someone he likes, has similar interests with, with values similar to your own and parents you can trust. Feel free to respondmaybe our sons would really enjoy eachother. About half of kids with attention deficit disorder also have friendship problems. I am 31 years old and have been married for 13 years. It seems that getting him involved in group activities that hes really passionate about and really enjoys will give him the opportunity to meet kids with similar interests, making the difficult task of finding friends a bit easier. You can check with your school and city for ideas in you area. You learn how to laugh at yourself and not really care about other peoples differences because everybody is different not just your son. Ltd. Design & Developed by:Total IT Software Solutions Pvt. While most parents would love to have their children with autism surrounded by a strong circle of friends, that may not be reality. And best of all, he's not made to feel like an outcast anymore. He doesnt have many friends. That doesn't seem to help. His birthday is coming up, but we are afraid he will invite a bunch of kids to his party, with no one coming. I have a 9 year old that has no or very few friends. Another idea is to go to an amusement park, or have a day out at the movies with pizza and ice cream, the whole 9 yards you know, sort of pricey stuff, and tell him he can only have one friend come. Good luck and keep me posted if you find anything that helps, I can also use the suggestions. So if you have any questions google ADD and there is a national site dedicated to the research of ADD and how it effects the people that have it. This is truly the hardest part of being a mother. She has been on medication under the care of an ADHD specialist, along with behavior modification techniques. Having at least one close friend will help him learn the social skills that he needs that will help other kids find him more "acceptable" as a playmate as well. Awesome! My Teenaged Son Has No Friends. If you give it a fun name like We Are the Champions Charades! he may find it more appealing and cool. If there is, you could see about getting him in that, that way, he can be around people who are into the same stuff he is. Don't sit back and say when he is in college, when he is adult he'll have friends. The doors closes. The kids who don't have friends, successful relationship as teenagers have much higher rates of delinquency, drug addiction, depression even suicide and very difficult times establishing successful adult relationships, this is big time concern. If not, move along. Help him unload the past in healthy ways get his anger, hurts, sorrows out with writing, drawing, telling you his stories, yelling in the mirror, punching a pillow. Self-confident and outgoing from a young age, they make friends with other children easily. Ive taken the posted suggestions but I also wanted to know if there is any book you know of I can buy so we can read together? Try and try and dont give up, and give your son lots of TLC. Maybe earlier. When he was little, he was precocious. He's in the fourth grade, and he is doing fifth grade work. I am sorry about this situation. There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. Also, find support groups in your area where there are other parents in your same situation, maybe then make a connection with another boy his age with the same issues. Teachers can help evaluate a childs social strengths and weaknesses because they see so many same-age children and are able to identify when behavior is outside the norm. I'm new here, and new to CO as well. Plus, knowing we are going to be there for ourselves, we are going to do the highest good we can figure out to do, and we are going to do it kindly makes us loves ourselves and respect ourselves, and feel good all the more! I have a 20 year old and 18 year old, and facing their weaknesses was a far more helpful way for me to guide them than assuming the best all the time. Because when we are kind, that kindness flows through and out of us so we feel it too. Ask for wisdom when solving problems (model this and help him do it). Ask them to help him connect with another student at recess. With help from others, I think youll be able to help him overcome these difficulties. He has flat feet, asthma, wears glasses and a little overweight. Are You Ready to Change? Healthy things, true love, etc. i dont exactly know how scoccoer is but im sure it is the same way. And when you have a photographic memory, thats a lot to listen to. I took ANd always implement solutions in kind ways. htis is great way for kids to meet kids and participate. When I have asked his teacher, about this, it's not because she don't care, it's because she is not on the playground with the kids to see what is going on. In other words, after dealing with feelings, start problem solving. Also get feedback from other adults in his life: family, coaches, babysitters, etc. However looking back I realise that it happened to a lot of people over the years (different people being left out) and it wasn't those girls fault at all (the ones being excluded), more general insecurity amongst other girls and wanting to stick with the herd and not be singled out themselves. My heart goes out to you. He has many Aspergers tendencies, but doesnt officially qualify. Other children are quiet, shy or even a little So try putting him into something like that and yes it will help with the ADHD cause I have ADD and that helped me out a lot. Sometimes we have different parties throughout the year- like halloween or Christmas- a time for kids to get together and have fun. Over time, if you get comfortable, you can role play with him, acting out some situations. in middle school they would bus her to the high school for math, and when she would get back, no one wanted to be around her. I "kick" them outside for at least two hours a day during the week, and for about three to four hours a day on the weekends. For even more friendship info, connect with me on the following social media platforms. Thank you every one that sent repsonses. I am my own best friend (you dont have to say all these things at first, but can build up to them little by little over time with different situations). . you cant force kids to play with him or be friends , it will make things worse for him but maybe if you encourage him to get involved he will find better friends away from school. I had a son with ADD type problems. I can do some things to help myself feel better and get some things I need or want, in healthy, self loving ways. Can you do something special like go to a movie or ice skating or something that won't amplify the fact that he doesn't have friends? Hello. Good luck and I hope this helps! I look at him and think there is so much for him to offer this world, but people dont give him the chance. Friends are important so your child has emotional support, and they can protect him from potential bullies. Tell him he has a good reason for being disappointed or upset (we usually have good reasons for our feelings!). At 7 she was diagnosed adhd & oppositional defiant and put on Ritalin, and a year later some other kind of cocaine drug. I too am getting the same response from the teacher/principal. I had the same fear about her birthday in July, so we took just a few "special" friends to build a bear. Hope that helps. They might have some services that will help your son find some friends. I was diagnozied(sp?) If you read up on homeschooling, I think you will find anyone, regardless of background, education or number of children, can do it if they really want to. Hang in there - help is on the way! He is also making new friends with other homeschoolers (even those who have similar interestsand a commonality in not being sports-minded). It's completely the shit. Just keep showing wounders out the door and closing the door. Im disappointed his current teacher hasnt been able to be more helpful but perhaps asking her some specific, open-endedquestions could help: At this point, do more listening than talking and ask questions geared toward understanding rather than finding solutions. L. B. We have talked to my son, and he said he would like the pizza party with family members, when we have his younger brother's birthday party. What we found is that the best way to get the kids together at school and hang out at school is to have play dates. (I have had previous experience with this with my non 18-YO son and refuse to go that route, especially because I don't see him as really having a problem that requires such.) just keep letting your son know he's wonderful just the way he is! His best friends were his grandparents. If you don't, no one else will. If he's really into computers maybe you should see if there is a computer club in town. But what they dont get, and they probably are incapable of at 13, is that he is someones child, brother, grandson. Often, kids with ADHD arent sensitive to the social cues of others. One of the hardest things for a parent to watch is their teenage child seemingly having no friends. Week after week when not in school there he is in his room by himself again. There are many reasons why a child may not have many, or any, friends. She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. I am a good person and I care about myself and my feelings. Everything went really well from that time on that year. They just said that I may be different but if we were all the same we would be very boring. Once we started addressing specific situationsThis is what you say when this happens . Im happy he defendshimself but it makes him miserable. They could talk to him like a little man. Her friends accept her the way she is, loving, creative, free spirited,and an endless bundle of energy. I was always told growing up it isn't the quantity of friends it is the quality. Thanks and good luck to all ???? My 10-year-old son is sociable, outgoing and not shy, but he never seems to fit in. Youre right to seek help while hes still young. I Am Parenting An Extremely Gifted Child Who Has No Friends by An Anonymous Mom Updated: June 16, 2021 Originally Published: March 4, 2021 Jamie Garbutt/Getty My son is gifted. Teach him to pour a little self love on with messages like: these problems happen to everyone, they are normal, the way other kids behave is not in my control, or this situation is not in my control, but my feelings about it are. There are numerous reasons, but mainly because I couldn't bear to see my son year after year being left out, picked on, teased, and having no self esteem. (Simply Life Coaching see my business listing). I don't know if this would help your son or not, but my son in 5th grade sounds simular to yours. Not exactly what I'd hoped, but you really can't blame him. Im glad you shared your concerns about your son, particularly since his problems seem to be getting worse. my youngest son volunteered in the summers and they had swimming and all kinds of activities. The school can also help you determine whether it would be helpful for you to work with a professional therapist on the outside. Omar is 12 and in 6th grade. But while his intelligence is certainly a blessing, it is also a curse. Steps toward authentic maturity, connection, and real self. Because it IS important to grow socially at school. Before the play date, remind kids that they arent always the boss, and help them live by the motto that the guest is always right. have you thought about being a soccer mom? I guess the main thing is don't dwell on it. These are just a couple of the goofy things Ive come up with to help myself and my kids. So we are going to feel better regardless. I am a stay-at-home mom so figured there was no better use of my time right now than to give this a try. I'm not sure when it became easier, but I think he had a nice group of good friends in high school for sure. most of my sisters Birthdays she had maybe 1 or two kids show up but it was still fun. An adult would listen for hours as he rattled off everything hed read in his fact books. He is incredibly socially awkward and interested in things most kids arent and talks about them ad nauseam. written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker October 11, 2022. He doesn't particularly like going out. His IQ is 130. Archived. Not revenge, not sassy ways to shoot back, etc. Since the school is small, you may be able to talk to some of his former teachers, too, to see if your sons problems have gotten worse or if he is having new ones. He is very intelligent, and he has ADHD. Theyll be sorry. It tears me apart. He is the brainiac at school, always having the right answers. Or a Discovery school? He has made some great friends and really feels a part of things now. Its perfectly fine to insist that your teenager get All it takes is for one kid at school to connect with him and others will start to back off of teasing him, or even begin to like him too. But he lost phone privileges for a week. We moved again this summer (we plan to stay here in Fort Collins, so that won't happen to the kids again -lol), and somehow at the last minute I decided to homeschool him and his younger sister (she's in second grade). Also, I would recommend inviting the whold class somewhere fun where the kids will want to come because of the location-like Chucky Cheese or Castles and Coasters. Ive spoken to his teacher on a couple of occasions and although hes sympathetic, hes offered no real solutions. I just thought I'd give you a little insight into our story and hopefully encourage you in that you're not alone in this. Make the process fun for him, like you are going on an adventure to find good friends. Maybe have an extra special gift after all is said and done or go to a favorite restaurant. My 16 yr old son has a similar issue to the previous post about the 13 yr old who only wants to use computer, ipod. But in the end, it was the other kids problem and there was nothing wrong with her. (my baby is 10). Well, sorry I don't have any real answers for you. Group activities can help a lot. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. Spiritual housekeeping, on a daily basis! etc. Hes upset most days when he comes home from school about one incident or another. At a year he could say and identify his letters and numbers. Keep your comments neutral relating without criticizing and judging as Eventually it will become a habit. Well said Pam. My son seems slightly obsessive when it comes to his online computer (dungeons and dragon type) games. Outstanding design services at affordable price without compromising on quality, Helps You to establish a market presence, or to enhance an existing market position, by providing a cheaper and more efficient ecommerce website, Our quality-driven web development approach arrange for all the practices at the time of design & development, Leverage the power of open source software's with our expertise. S. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'mamapedia_com-banner-1','ezslot_6',640,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-mamapedia_com-banner-1-0');I think you have just told my story, except that I have a 8 1/2 year old daughter, but the rest is the same!! Wait for her response and validate whatever laments she may have about the He is very intelligent, and he has ADHD. Blessings, to you and yours!! A Support Plan for Each Stage of ADHD Acceptance. WebMy 15 (almost 16) year old son currently has no friends..truly, none. I try to remind it that in life it is more important to have a few very close friends then a bunch of so so friends. He always complains about his school. Please try to help your dd by having out of school activities as that can really help and also by helping her to make friends with individual girls. She is an honor student, athelete, club joiner, and has many friends. He is my baby and I love him with all of my being. WebWhen kids enter adolescence, they employ a way of looking at the world in which their friends are more important than anybody else. If your son sees that you are worried he might think he should be worried. Omar is also a very bright kid. If they dont, just walk away. Hes currently an only child, and we had just moved, so it was even harder. Timeless music, 316 2 44 44 comments Best Add a Comment Other kids, they didnt care. Hi, K.. The comments from the other mothers have really painted a picture of my 10 year olds situation. Look at some of the weird kids, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, he could certainly be in worse company. I cant wait for him and his tribe to take on the world. He will learn differently and think differently then most people but thats what makes humans unique. Who ever said being a mom was easy, must have been a man! From the U.S.: My 16-year-old son has always had friend issues, he my husband and i started pop warner football when my son was 9. it is now called youth football or soemthing like that but the rules say everybody on the team has to play so many minutes of each game so there is no picking or choosing. They get along well and then poorly. When we are unkind, that cruelty flowes through us and out of us so we feel the cruelty too. (A shared Birthday party). My daughter was an outcast and has never gotten over it. Having reliable, timely support is essential for uninterrupted business operations. Best of luck to you and your family! For that, I am grateful. but, when she got to High school, she became sort of popular with the geeks! What I learned is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't have a ton of friends. :} And then on his actual birthday, my husband is going to take him and his two "good" friends out to the movies. Happy stickers! AGE TO HAVE FRIENDS There is a big age range of normal when it comes to preschoolers making friends. Moved in with my boyfriend and lost my girlfriends, 10 Reasons Your Friend Didnt Send A Holiday Card, Left Out Of A Friend Group Without Explanation, Gay Friend Losing Interest in Our Friendship, Book Club Friendships: We Read, Then Talk, 5 Tips for Handling A Friend Who Talks Incessantly, Information for Sponsors: Irene S. Levine, Friendship Expert. Ask for ideas and solutions to problems that will provide the highest good for all involved. Be sure to do good things for yourself, a long bath, some time with a friend and if you have any friends with children, maybe you can get together. *hugs* Things will start getting better for you and your family. In school as the kids get older they get meaner and I felt I needed to rescue him. His classmates see how well he does in class, but when it comes to playing with him on the playground, they don't play with him, or choose him to be on their team. If they are playing football, kickball, etc. When they take their "clasroom" break on the playground, the kids do not do that to him. I understand your emotional pain, as when she was in preschool and elementary school the parents of other students thought she was "too much of a handful" to have over for parties, sleepovers, etc. Hes trying to make friends with kids and, it turns out, hes alienated those kids by standing too close while he talks, or jumping around, or being too chatty and loud. WebResist the temptation to chime in with your observations that your teenager daughter has no friends. Your sons not the only one out therereading your post is like a review of the story of my life with my oldest son. First you stress because they don't seem to have any friends, then you stress when they pick 'the wrong' friends. It doesnt seem to bother him.. Their acquaintances are not constant friends. My 16 year old son is turning all his friends on. Teenagers are hideous. The 16 year old was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten. If the other kids can't see that, it's their loss! How can he make himself feel better about not getting what he wants? You will probably get about 5 kids to come that way and you will know ahead of time if there is no RSVP so as not to ruin the actual party. He socialises through his swim club, and has friends at school, but those things require so much focus and mental energy that he really needs quiet time at home and during breaks to decompress. Stefanie, I am 23. Not only did I make friends but when I did have to quit because of reason's I still have those friends to this day. Activities like boyscouts or 4H are good too. Kids are so mean sometimes. I teach parents how to do social autopsies with their kids after a social interaction, and break down what went well versus things that went poorly. "If a child has at least one friend, there is a frame of reference and a forum in which to practice friendship." Good luck! When you stop and think about social interactions in depth, they are quite complicated and require understanding of subtlety and nuance many kids with ADHD dont get. No mommy, no siblings. He has since rema My husband divorced me 3 yrs ago for another woman and now i can't stand being any where around him. etc. I know at our school even for my non-ADHD but shy child the school intervened to make sure he had a friend. or join the YMCA . He was in a very small school where everyone played sports and the kids definitely thought that they were better than those who didnt. I so understand your concern! I would be very aware of how he interacts on those playdates and offer parently advice when the children are gone to help him understand how what he does affects the way others perceive him and their desire to play with him. It also gives you an opportunity to watch from a distance to see where your child can improve. Break it down, and maybe focus on one social manner a week. My 8 year old son is similar, he has ADHD, some bipolar tendancies and is gifted. They were obsessed with him. I have an ADD dad and 1 of my brothers also have it. I have a son who had a daughter 5 years ago. People who are uncomfortable with others or prefer to be alone may have a hard time maintaining friendships. My son, 7, doesnt love it but he gets to see other boys from his school and he gets to have some exercise. He started having other boys pick on him at school and he started fighting back. I know how worrisome and exhausting this can be! My 14 year old son has no friends. He is slow at processing information, but give him time and he can accomplish anything. Tags: 10-year-old, 10-year-old with no friends, child, children, childrens friendships, no friends, parenting, school, son. From my own experience when my mom put me into Teakwondo back in the 9th grade it was a great place to make friends. Also, if you have a prayer life, help him to tune in by having daily conversations with God, The Creator, or whatever name you are comfortable with. Birthday Parties, the Cafeteria, and Other Social Obstacles, Improve Your Childs Social Skills with These ADHD-Friendly Toys. Great! He knows he is different, and their are no two people alike. Next, teach him personal responsibility for his feelings. Anyway, this year is a different story. Adults adored him. Good luck. My daughter will be 9 soon. The truth is, most kids this age are excited to go to a party no matter who is giving it. First, help your son get the previous incidents and bad feelings that have built up out of his system. Put good things in his spiritual house like family, favorite activities, favorite places, favorite toys, etc. At first I was terrified, but then thought, this could be great. Rather, all posts are written as the type of advice that one friend might give to another. Kids can be just plane mean! something he will enjoy by himself or with a few kids. Friends will come in time. Our daughter has always been told that her ADHD is NOT a disability, but a gift. They are going to make it a "Boys" night out. I guess all great things in life probably are. Look at them and say nothing, just listen. I hope that you can reassure your boy that there are always going to be mean people in the world, but there are many who would love to be his friends.. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[728,90],'mamapedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',642,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-mamapedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');For my sons 5th birthday I invited about 12 kids and no one turned up. I have a very similar story. I wouldn't go so far as to say everything is all better or perfect by any means, but it is definitely a BIG improvement. Then ACT them out. and the "friends" she did have, would tell her they would be right back and then hide from her for the rest of the lunch period. For example, often a few sessions with a play therapist can help kids like your son learn to make better connections with friends. I would suggest you find friends just like your son. Some teens just havent found the people on the same Advice. There are a number of reasons kids may have trouble making friends, and (though this is by no means an exhaustive list) they often fall into two general categories: I would ask to observe your son at school or on the playground, and see how he interacts with kids. They accept that she takes medication, and some even remind her to take it. Often children who have had little experience with conflicts and losing at home, are unable to understand why they cant have everything their way everywhere else. Follow up with the parents to be sure the kids he chooses can make it. J. Should I worry about this? If they can't see your little one for the special boy that he is than it's their problem. Your son will probably be able to relate to more people in the long run, because hell know what its like to be the outsider. Does Your Son Hide in the Safe Social Confines of Gaming? The school understands this. Our mission is to be your trusted advisor, an unwavering source of understanding and guidance along the path to wellness. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. There are several pieces of ADHD that make it difficult for kids to make friends. Helped a neighbor mow the lawn or shovel snow? What is your email and I'll send it to you. He's a young adult. What is one suggestion do you have that might help him feel more successful socially. QUESTION. Your son is lucky to have you. What are your observations about the way he socializes during lunch and recess? Here you feel the need of your child to have friends at I love the GS because that's what they do get the kids involved and help get comfortable with themselves. He not into sports and enjoys reading and board games and hot wheels. Good luck and hang in there! His older brother was the social bug, and he always only had just a few friends. She is also a manic depressive so keeping up her self esteem is important, and it helps her to make new friends, outside of school as well as at school. Second grade was an exception, though, once his teacher got to know him and figured out his learning style. I moved him to a small charter school with only 155 students and multiage classes. Hope things get better on the inside and outside! Kids are older and they became meaner. He's enjoying life for the first time in a very long time and his attitude is so much better all the way around. I don't really have any advice for you, but there is a website you can check out http://www.denveroptions.org Like a lot of the other posters have mentioned - this sort of thing is really quite common - girls of that age often do leave particular people out (unfortunately it probably continues for the next 5 yrs at least). The more play dates you have with a particular child, the more likely they are to hang out at school. If it isn't bothering him, don't let it bother you. When he becomes his own best friend and radiates calm, self love, balance (or in kid speak its more like relaxed, at peace, feeling good), he will develop much more joy, and he will be a magnate for friends. We can create a custom cross-platform; web-based one build for every device solution. He was invited to birthday parties and had a lot of play dates. This article was originally published on March 4, 2021, 9 Toys I Can Unequivocally Say Were A Total Waste Of Money, A Mom Explains Why She Lets Her Seven Year Old Swear At Home, And The Internet Is At Odds, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. If your son is reacting with anger and tears, then other kids that are inclined to do so, will use him as a scapegoat, and lay blame on him (in other words, his negative behavior may label him as unlikeable and its always easier to shift blame and torment to the unlikeable kids). Get him involved in activities related to the computor or chess tournaments. turn your dining room table into a ping pong ball table by slapping a piece of masking tape down the middle, and having some fun!). He is extremely caring, well behaved and never had an issue at school. It is helpful when they pick a student that may be shy or quirky. It was the highest shed ever seen. Church youth Groups or sunday school classes are a great place for kids to meet other children outside of school. My son is ADD and he was having the same problems. Reach out to his teacher and tell the teacher he doesnt have any friends to play with. My 14 year old son has no friends. P.ersonal R.esponsibility = A.cknowledge my own feelings, C.are about myself and get calmer, T.hink of kind solutions. She is very kind hearted and alturistic. And sports teams "off" school, city teams and community teams etc. She might be noticeably different, either physically or intellectually. I have often discussed him with his teachers and school counselor and they assure me that he is doing well, and his grades reflect that. Maybe that might help the other kids be nicer to him?? To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. (especially if they have more than one child as they then have to be 'fair' and invite friends for siblings too). Be kind to yourself and your beautiful child. If he is still hanging around, tell him to notice if the two children start looking at him. Close. If he is interested in what they are saying, stick around. He had a lot of friends growing up. Besides, the club will probably be full of kids with the same problem he has when it comes to friends and they will need him as much as he needs them. They get along well and then poorly. I looked at it and he had zero text messages. Tweens and teens Can't cope with 16 year What does matter is that he has a couple closer friends. We also have more hours in our day to do extra-curricular activities (which before was a problem because of the late hour school was let out, and then having to do homework after that). Do this until the well is dry. How Do You Reassure Your Anxious Child When Youre Scared, Too? Using lots of "how would you feel if" type questions will help him identify with the other kids perceptions and feelings. You want friends who like you for you. Unfortunately, kids can be and are cruel to those they perceive as 'different.' Acknowledge he wanted the movie. We provide complete 24*7 Maintenance and Support Services that help customers to maximize their technology investments for optimal business value and to meet there challenges proficiently. They now meet up once a week to do various things. Hope this helps.. Talk to your son and see what he would like to do for his birthday- toss out options OR maybe just do a couple of friends and go to a movie and pizza. A fresh start. She came through it in the end. Blonde hair, blue eyes and knowledge. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Sign up to receive weekly updates with links to my latest blog posts. Sports outside of school are good- Karate is especially great for children with adhd. As for the kids being meanHave you tried a Christian school? However, I would like him to have a social life. You are here: I was devastated, and ever since have been EXTREMELY wary about "parties" and "invites". Management Consulting Company. He has some church friends he sees socially sometimes but it makes him a bit anxious. Although I am not a homeschooler, I know some people that do it and are happy with it. You can private message me back and I will give you my e mail address if that is a help. Remember, it isn't about finding the "coolest" kid to be friends with. Kids can be cruel and may be purposely taunting your son in order to get precisely that kind of reaction out of him. They love him, as most adults do. The tester said its likely higher, but he got bored with the test and just started throwing out answers. It became a new tradition for us as a family and we just keep doing it that way. Young people can be very attuned to their parents' moods and Good luck. However, it will be important for your child to understand that just because someone is a friend does not mean that he/she has to agree with him/her on everything or always share all of his/her interests. High fives! This is a perfect fit for him. She might have a social group your son could join. Then start thinking about some things he wants that he can get instead a video at home, or a couple hours at the park, etc. My 16 year old son has turned all his friends into the Dead. I know you won't always be able to be his 'guardian angel' like that, but maybe at least until he gets into high schoolunless he'd die of embarrassment having his mom on campus. Talk to other moms at carpool. Fred Frankel, Ph.D. https://www.mamapedia.com/article/to-skip-or-not-to-skip-first-grade, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/skipping-a-grade, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/need-a-reality-check-here, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/should-we-have-a-birthday-party, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/mother-dash-in-dash-law-overly-worried, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/8th-birthday-party-ideas-needed-kind-of-a-unique-situation, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/does-my-5-year-old-son-have-a-disorder. (It also is a very dislined sport) What school do your kids go to? No matter what the outcome of the party is make the party extra fun/special for your son and family. if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'mamapedia_com-box-4','ezslot_1',638,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-mamapedia_com-box-4-0');I went through the same phase when we moved here, from CA. He made a few friends who he played Minecraft with and texted every once in a while. Kids with ADHD tend to be socially behind their peers. One kid who wants to be there is better than a room full of nasty kids who will not realize what a great kid your son is until he owns a big company and they are nothing but mean. Let kindness in and shoo the junk out before it festers in his soul. She also joined cadets so twice a week is busy and she eventually plucked up the courage to ask one of the girls there if they wanted to bowling one weekend - she had been given a voucher for Christmas so there was no awkwardness re paying etc (it was a good activity to choose as they had something to do!). I think it's more when the kids are interactive with the rest of the classes at lunch, that they are more timid to ask. 16 Year Old Son Has Friends but No "Best" FriendAre My Worries Irrational? Perhaps practicing scenarios and reactions at home might help. Kids can be so very cruel, just constant reassurance from you that he is awesome will help him. 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